Korbin's Weekend Adventure

Last Friday night Korbin went over the edge again. He was so far into his delusional world that he was screaming at me that he wanted me to take him to a new family. It's not a new delusion, but when he starts thinking about it there's no changing his mind. Apparently there's another family out there who will allow Korbin to beat on them as much as he wants, won't expect him to take care of basic hygene, and doesn't care about his education. His new family will let him eat marshmallows and potato chips all day and never bring up the subject of vegetables. I tried to explain that we are his family and we love him very much, but it only made matters worse. He kept coming at me with both fists pounding at my head yelling, "Take me to the hospital so they can find me a new family!" Jason had already left for work and I knew there was no way I could restrain Korbin for mine and his safety if this escalated any further, so I offered to drive him to the hospital. He instantly stopped beating me and ran to pack his bag.

He calmly rode in the van and did fairly well while I was talking with the intake nurse. When he started ranting at me about how he was never coming back to live with me I simply stated that we are his family and always will be. My son launched at me like a lion on prey. His claws ripped the skin on my arm as I dodged his sharp teeth. My diet coke/life blood went flying and covered the desk. I grabbed my purse and went for the office door as the nurse came back to help. Korbin was ready to go the ward so he could begin his quest for the new fantasy family, but the nurse wouldn't take him out of the room until he calmed down. Long-er story short, chairs flew, a checkers game was shreded, and Korbin was taken to the back by two very large men.

By the time I left it was time to talk to Aidan who is still on the residential side of the same hospital. I swallowed my emotions and talked Aidan through his. He could hear his brothers screams from the next hall. He didn't want Korbin to have to be there, but understood that they could help Korbin the way they've helped him. I drove in the dark through my tears back home, alone... for the first time since last March.

Korbin was sent home that Monday with his Abilify doubled, another referal for residential time, and the new diagnoses of Mood Disorder NOS & Psychotic Disorder NOS. NOS stands for Not Otherwise Specified. To us it's come to mean that the doctor doesn't have the balls to label someone with the diagnosis that we all know is coming. Aidan was recently labeled with schizoaffective disorder just like Jason, my hubby. Schizoaffective is a label that combines schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms. Either way diagnostic labels and labels in clothing are both pretty much meaningless until it comes to billing. We treat the symptoms while trying to find the cause and hope for the best.

Every single residential facility in this state has refused to work with Korbin because of his severe and complex issues. I can't place my son in a facility out of state and just leave him there until I can get back for a visit. It's just not in me. We've been considering leaving the only state we've ever known, our family, and friends just to get help. I begged the doctor at the hospital helping Aidan to give Korbin another chance. They sent Korbin home after 7 days saying they couldn't help him back in September, but with the breakthrough of the gluten and casein free diet I think they may be able to reach him. He's agreed to try, no promises.

If this trip to residential doesn't work we'll run out of options here. I'm unable to get him to take care of even basic hygene at home, keep him from hurting me when he's out of control, or teach him any academics... at least I've proven to myself that I can't do it alone. I can't get any more help for him outpatient, so we're stuck with having to go inpatient. We may have to pack up and move. I don't want to, but we just don't have many choices left. Do we stand our ground to be near our family and the only home we've ever known? Do we leave everything behind in hopes that the grass is greener? Is there an option that we haven't found yet that could be far better for the boys? Then if we are going to run to greener grass, where do we find the greenest grass we can afford?

For today I'm going to carry the letter from the outpatient psychiatrist to the hospital. Somewhere along the way we'll know, at least I hope we will.